Making Fun of Comedians

GUEST BLOG BY BDF:

I always think it is funny when comedians make fun of people in general. White people who walk really fast, the fat guy at the buffet, the Asian who speaks in broken English, the list goes on and
on. The other day I was listening to Chris Rock rant on and on about white teenagers, and I thought what if I was a standup comic who only made fun of other comedians? Here goes!

Dane Cook – Dane, how does it feel to have a fan base of 14-17 year olds? Watching your standup inspired me to write this blog. At least one good thing came out of it. God knows it didn't make me laugh. You're the N'Sync of comedy; you may sell lots of albums and tickets, but the material is miserable and no one else in your field respects your work. Why don't you take your SuperFinger and stick it in your....mouth. This way, you'll be unable to talk.

Carlos Mencia – Carlos Mencia, that funny Mexican guy. Or should I say Ned Mencia, from Honduras? I'd make fun of you in more detail, but I fear you'd just steal my material Menstelia.

Larry the Cable Guy – Dan Whitney from Nebraska created a character for a radio show and fooled a million morons from Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana into thinking he was funny. I'm from the South and would personally like to punch Dan for setting back Southerners 40 years. This guy is a fat piece of shit right here, I don't care who ya are.

David Cross – David, your performance as Tobias Funke is one of my all time favorites. I once read that you'd rather hear the death rattle of your own child than the songs of the bands Creed, Staind, and POD. While I agree that those bands are terrible, you date the girl from Joan of Arcadia and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Guess you like music way more than television and movies.

Carrot Top – When I first saw Carrot Top in the mid nineties, I thought "could this guy be more of a douche"? Turns out he could. Between then and now CT has become a bulked up 'roid freak and a devout plastic surgery patient. Carrot's gone from a skinny dork with prop jokes to a phony meathead with the same prop jokes.

Bill Engvall – You're Jeff Foxworthy minus the "You might be a Redneck" jokes. Translation, your comedy blows. One the bright side, you look a little like Mark Harmon. Fingers crosses that NCIS does a episode in which Gibbs' brother makes an appearance.

Janeane Garofalo – You've made a lot of money ranting about how ugly women can't make it in show biz. I can't tell if you're being intentionally ironic or you hate yourself because you don't look like Jessica Alba. I am guessing it's not the latter, as I've never seen anyone intentionally try so hard to look so awful. You also referred to your time on SNL as being like "the Indian given the blanket infected with smallpox by the cavalry." You worked at SNL, not Kmart, get over yourself.