Screech Needs Money

Dustin Diamond, who played Screech on 'Saved By the Bell" and then disappeared until his appearance on "Celebrity Fit Club" in 2007, has written a tell-all book about his time at Bayside High. Read the story below and then I'll provide my thoughts on Screech's revelations.

http://www.11points.com/TV/11_Most_Scandalous_Saved_by_the_Bell_Revelations_in_Screech%27s_Autobiography

1. Why did Screech wait until now to make these claims? A: He is broke, desperate, and a complete asshole.

2. Why did Screech only name one of the 2000 women that he allegedly slept with? A: She's was a person of power and now she's dead and cannot refute his claim.

3. Is it possible that Zack used steroids before The College Years? A: Yes, Zack got ripped before The College Years. Although I think Screech is generally full of shit, this allegation has a Jose Canseco feel to it -- sleazy but somehow a little bit credible. Maybe Screech was the Canseco to Zack's Mark McGwire (in other words, injected him in the ass with steroids).

4. Is it possible that Neil Patrick Harris "got gay" with Ed Alonzo (owner of The Max)? A: I'm not sure what "getting gay" means, but I know that Ed Alonzo and NPH are best friends. NPH would have been a teenager in the early 90s and was not openly gay at that time. Screech probably saw the "Top Chef" episode with NPH and Max and decided to throw some more dirt into the book. I call bullshit on this one.

5. Why does Screech hate on Kelly Kapowski more than anyone else? A: Obviously, he is bitter and jealous that she slept with every guy on the show except for him. There's other fish in the sea, Screech. 2000 other fish.

6. Do I believe that A.C. Slater raped a girl? A: This a tough one because there is an actual news story from 1993. The writer from 11 Points made a good point -- if a celebrity was accused of date rape today, it would be all over the Internet. Back then, the story was not very widespread. I just don't think Slater would rape anyone, particularly in his parents' guest house.

7. Who did Screech leave out of the book? A: Screech obviously loves Mr. Belding, Miss Bliss, and Tori.

8. It is possible that Screech picked up girls at Disneyland? A: Maybe an occasional awkward make-out session on the tea cups. I don't care how dark it gets on Space Mountain -- there's no way Screech was scoring.

9. Why was Peter Engel meeting with Zack and Kelly behind closed doors? A: Probably because they were the stars of the show. I hate to break it to you Screech, but you were a supporting character. Your role was to be a goofy loser, and you didn't need to be a good actor to pull it off. I absolutely do NOT believe that the genius that is Peter Engel (executive producer of SBTB, California Dreams, and Hang Time) had a bisexual threesome with Zack and Kelly.

10. Will I buy this book? A: No. Probably not. Maybe.