Guest Blog by BDF

Chop’s computer is on the fritz so I’ll be guest blogging this week.

I am excited that the NFL season is only a few weeks away. I love fantasy football, so I am getting ready for my upcoming online draft. Most important to a good fantasy football team is a great name. I love the team names people create. Two great names I’ve seen are Romosexual Tendencies and My Dad is Travis Henry. Creativity is the key. Names with Vick themes were funny in 2007, but are now stale. I think my team name this season will be John Clayton’s Ponytail Mystery. I liked E li Curious; but no one got it, which might be a good thing.

Speaking of the NFL, I get the idea of throwbacks to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the AFL. They’re fun, but referees in AFL throwbacks? I am actually more surprised that the NFL designed something they can’t later sell at an 800% markup from the manufacturing cost.
http://nfldotcom.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/officials_uniform_090334_blog.jpg

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Brooks and Dunn are calling it quits after 19 years. Wonder whose idea it was to split? Here’s how I think it went down.
Brooks: Listen, we need to talk. I think there’s been an elephant in the room for years and we’ve been avoiding it.
Dunn: I know. We need to clear the air and get this out in the open.
Brooks: Oh, what a relief. I was so nervous. I guess you know what I’m talking about.
Dunn: Brooks, it’s ok, it’s perfectly acceptable that we love each other. It’s time we stop hiding our feelings and come out of the closet.
Brooks: Um, wow man. I was talking about taking a break from our band but now I’m just going to get the hell out of here.
Brooks leaves.
Dunn: (pulls out cell phone and dials) – Hello, Garth Brooks, it’s me Ronnie Dunn….I already have about 300,000 t shirts printed up and if you aren’t busy…
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Mini Mail Bag
Chop can’t answer every question he gets. As a self appointed expert on food, Chop thought this one would be a good for me to tackle.

Recently, I have been supplementing my lunches with Doritos “Late Night Tacos” and Pringles “Cheese Sticks with Marinara Sauce,” which taste exactly as they sound. I appreciate the effort these companies have gone to make my potato chips taste like other appetizers, but the selections are becoming overwhelming. What advice do you have for someone who walks down the “chip aisle” at the local grocer?

Hunter R.
Greenville, SC.

Hunter, it’s not uncommon to see men wandering aimlessly down the snack aisle. Hell, I’ve purchased cars in less time than I’ve spent on a single trip to 7-11. There are so many great choices. No one wants to look like a fatty at the checkout line with 7 bags of chips, so it’s important to make smart decisions. First, decide what flavor you want. BBQ? Sour Cream and Onion? Maybe something new, like Buffalo wing sauce or spicy Thai. Once you’ve got the flavor down, choose your crunch factor. Kettle chips are delicious, but are you in the mood for all that chomping? After settling on a potato chip, it’s time to pick your cheese snack. That’s right my friend, I recommend getting one bag of potato chips and one bag of a “cheese” snacks. These consist of Cheetos or Doritos. (Side note - our Jewish friends need to be careful with Doritos. Some flavors contain porcine enzymes, which are obviously non kosher). Make sure your cheese snack complements your potato chip selection. For instance, I often go with Sour Cream and Onion Lay’s with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. I balance out the cool with hot. Don’t get too crazy though, mixing two extreme flavors is often to blame when you’re missing the fourth quarter thanks to a combo of Spicy Jalapeño Doritos and Utz Crab Chips. I learned that the hard way during a Steelers game in 2007. Thank God I can hear Sirius NFL radio from my bathroom. Want the crazy new Doritos flavor? That’s fine; just pair it with a plain potato chip (and maybe some Tums). Don’t forget to mix it up with Fritos corn chips every so often.

When in serious doubt, there is a wonderful mix called Munchies, which contains Sun Chips, Doritos, Cheetos and pretzels. It even comes in three different varieties – cheese, ranch and hot. I think it’s a bit heavy for lunches, but perfect for game or movie watching.

I stick to the classics. If I wanted a taco or cheese sticks, I’d buy them instead of chips. There’s a reason Doritos’ top sellers are Nacho cheese and Cool Ranch. They’re great every time. Everyone has their own favorite flavors. Go with your gut feeling (literally) and don’t look back.

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Words of advice to MLB players – if you’re going to charge the mound, it’s wise to at least get in a punch. Kevin Youkilis charged the mound after Rick Porcello beaned him in the back. Youk charged the mound, threw his helmet at Porcello, and before you could say “Chowda” was body slammed to the ground by the Tigers’ young pitcher. Ouch. Youk will have plenty of time to think about his stupid actions while he’s suspended.

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I’ve been to the Carolinas twice in the past 4 weeks. Is there any doubt that Cheerwine is the greatest soft drink of all time? I say it’s the “Taste of the Carolinas”. My Winston Salem born intern agreed with me. I can’t tell if he truly believes this or was just blowing smoke up my ass because I am his boss. Either way, he brought me 3 two liters of CW this week.