March Madness Diary

It is still March so I am going to write yet again about March Madness. Every year, some buddies and I pick a different city and go watch the first and second round NCAA Tournament games live. We pick the city before the brackets come out so we never know what teams we’ll see until a week before we go. We watch six games live, the rest of the games in sports bars or the hotel, and by and large rage before, during, and after games. We each fill out a bracket and the winner of each day gets first choice of beds. Since we only had a king bed and a pullout sofa for three people, the picks this year were especially crucial (but I still chose to root for upsets). This year we went to Birmingham and good times ensued. We had limited sleeping options in the hotel, but we did have a full length conference table with 8 conference table swivel chairs. We called that part of the room Madness Central. I kept a running diary in my head throughout the weekend. Here is a recap of Friday’s events:

8:00 CST – Woke up.

8:05 – Remembered Embassy Suites has continental breakfast and omelets made to order. Went downstairs and instantly regretted choosing the scrambled eggs instead of waiting in line for an omelet. Not impressed with the free breakfast.

9:00 – The American University basketball team – coached by former UVa coach Jeff Jones – is staying at our hotel. I wait in the lobby and pretend to be an American U fan so I can clap for JJ and the squad.

11:15 – Arrived at the Birmingham Jefferson Civic Center. First game is Tennessee vs. American.

11:16 - I am already sick of fans wearing Tennessee orange. Go American.

1:30 – American keeps is close until the final minutes, but Tennessee has too many weapons in the end.

1:35 – Fortunately, March Madness arenas usually have TVs near the concession stands that show the games from other cities. We watch Davidson beat Gonzaga, which was especially rewarding since one of my friends lobbied to change his pick from Davidson to Gonzaga at 10 AM Friday even though most pools lock in at noon on Thursday. I am closer to winning my choice of beds.

1:45 – Drake and Western Kentucky are headed to overtime. I have Drake going to the Sweet 16 in my bracket, so like a hypocrite I am cheering against the underdog – in this case, Western Kentucky. Western Kentucky hits a three at the buzzer to win by 2. The crowd watching TV in Birmingham goes nuts – except for me. About 5 minutes after the game, I remember what I wrote in the last blog and realize that I should have been rooting for WKU. In hindsight, I regret not enjoying that buzzer beater.

2:00 – Next game in Birmingham is Butler vs. South Alabama. Surprisingly, there are not very many South Alabama fans even though we are playing in their home state. I notice that we had American University in game 1 and USA (University of South Alabama) in game 2. Probably not coincidently, both teams’ colors were red, white, and blue. Both teams also lost. The Butler – USA game is boring so we leave soon after halftime.

4:30 – UConn and San Diego are headed to overtime as we watch in the hotel. We decide Friday’s games are already better than Thursday’s game (except the Duke-Belmont game), and we still have all the night games left to be played.

4:40 – My friend Matt is sitting at Madness Central and asks his 9-year old cousin Andrew (who lives in B-Ham) to fill out a bracket. Keep in mind that most of the 1^st round games have already been played. Andrew likes “Georgia” Mason, “Georgia”town, Georgia, Duke, and Vandy to go deep in the tournament. Oops. When asked about the UConn – San Diego game, Andrew checked the TV and realized SD was up 2 halfway through OT. He picked San Diego.

5:00 – Embassy Suites redeems itself for the mediocre breakfast with a free happy hour.

7:00 – Return to the arena. Next game is St. Joseph’s vs. Oklahoma. We arrive at halftime and Oklahoma already has the game well in hand. The most intriguing part of this game was learning that St. Joe’s mascot (The Hawk) gets a full scholarship to school, but he literally has to flap his wings the entire game (even during timeouts). I spend much more time watching The Hawk than watching this game. He never stopped once. Unbelievable.

9:30 – Louisville is dominating Boise St. in the last game. A 5-year old redhead Louisville fan in front of us appears to be taunting us every time Louisville scores since we are rooting for Boise St. The guy with the mustache sitting next to me reeks of vodka and nachos. He is asking my about some museum in Huntsville. I don’t live in Alabama, buddy. Time to go.

11:00 – My Catholic friends are observing the no meat during Lent on Friday rule. I am not familiar with this rule. They decide that 11:00 PM Birmingham time is 12:00 AM Eastern Standard Time. So we go to Ruth’s Chris.

11:30 – We see American coach Jeff Jones having a beer with NBA analyst David Aldridge – seems like a bizarre coupling. We later find out that Aldridge is an American University grad. I finish with the least amount of correct picks for the day, and I am relegated to sharing a king bed with another dude again. Luckily, we have a pillow barrier set up.

We booze in moderation on Friday to prepare for a morning basketball session at the YMCA, a trip to the dog track, and a night of raging in B-Ham on Saturday. Butler-Tennessee on Sunday was the best Madness game I have seen live, which made up for the blowouts on Friday. All in all, it was another great Madness trip.

March Madness Pools = Bad, Gus Johnson = Good

The first weekend of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament is my favorite weekend of the year. March Madness is by far my favorite sporting event. I have no trouble getting intensely excited about the tourney even though the team I follow (UVa) has only made the tournament 8 times since 1989 (the first tournament I remember – though my Hoos did make the Elite 8 that year). I have so many memories from the Big Dance, but the ones that really stand out are the upsets. And that brings me to my point: March Madness pools are ruining the tourney.

Don’t get me wrong – I enjoy competition. I dive for loose balls in pick-up basketball games. I had a 500 game ping pong series with my friend Jerry (I won 251-249 – I couldn’t make that up) in which we would sweat profusely during each game. Have you ever sweated while playing ping pong? I used to work as a poolboy/overglorified trashman in my neighborhood, and my co-workers and I created a 7-event competition called the Order of the Pineapple which included rock/paper/scissors, UNO, poleball (a game we invented), and home run derby – there was no higher honor in the world of Kingsmill Recreational Maintenance than the Order of the Pineapple. When I lose in Trivial Pursuit, those losses stay with me for hours if not days. I don’t play parlor games (darts, shuffleboard, air hockey) for fun – I play to win. When I show up at elementary schools during recess and dominate wall ball, it is because I love competition. I will yell at Jan the receptionist if she drops a fly ball during one of my co-ed work softball games.

I only bring your attention to my competitive side because I should love March Madness pools. It is right up my alley, but I like upsets more. Sure, I will fill out a bracket and enter at least two pools. I hope I win. But, if rooting for an upset will hurt me in my pool, then I hope I lose my pool. A March Madness upset is one of the most special occasions in all of sports. The problem with March Madness upsets is that the average person picks very few upsets in his or her bracket; thus, only true basketball fans root for upsets in the tourney. I would rather see a 16-seed upset a 1-seed and get last place in my pool than win my pool and see 4 1-seeds in the Final Four. Hypothetically speaking, there is no one I hate more than Joe Schmo at the bar who roots for Duke to beat Murray State because he “picked them to go to the Final Four.” Everyone has a right to cheer for whichever team he or she prefers, but the motivation behind the pick should not be the $80 you can win in your office pool. Even if the stakes are higher, fans need to put the brackets away and appreciate the jubilation of March Madness. David versus Goliath. A Cinderella story. Princeton upsets the defending champion UCLA Bruins courtesy of some timely backdoor layups. Bryce Drew buries a trey at the buzzer and Valpo advances. George Mason marches on to the Final Four after most basketball “experts” said they did not deserve an at-large bid. CBS announcer Gus Johnson screams inaudible sounds that approach the speed of sound in the closing seconds of a barnburner. Gus Johnson is the best March Madness announcer because he is the most excited person in the building no matter what game he is calling.

So, fill out your bracket and enter a tourney pool in the days before the games begin, but put away the brackets on Thursday and Friday. It’s Gus Johnson time! See below for a preview of what Gus brings to March Madness.

"The slipper still fits!!!"


"Hit it from the parking lot!!!" If you don't get chills around the 1:05 mark of this video, don't even watch CBS this weekend.

Top 10 TV Shows of My Lifetime

As a loyal reader of my blog (wait, no one reads my blog), you know that lists are prominently featured in my style of writing. For example, it is not enough for me to just enjoy a TV show – I must compare that show to every other good show of all-time to establish its cultural and historical significance. In order to determine the best TV shows, I laid down several ground rules to consider: 1) no reality shows, 2) no cartoons/animated series, 3) no talk shows, 4) no ESPN series, 5) the show must be on permanent hiatus (keeps Curb Your Enthusiasm, Lost, and 24 off the list), and 6) the show must have aired during my lifetime (keeps Leave It to Beaver, The Andy Griffith Show, and All in the Family off the list). That being said, the following is a list of the 10 best TV shows of my lifetime:

10 (tie). Saved by the Bell (NBC, 1989-1993): If Mr. Belding knew I listed Saved by the Bell among the 10 best shows of my lifetime, I am quite certain his response would be “hey hey hey, what is going on here?” Have you watched this show recently? Honestly, it was kind of lame. Nonetheless, Saved by the Bell was an institution. It was not created for people over the age of 18. Whatever you do, don’t watch the reruns on TBS on weekday mornings – just remember how good you thought the show was in 1992. At the time, it seemed so futuristic that Zack Morris had a cell phone and used it at school. When I was in 5^th grade, everybody flipped their chairs around A.C. Slater-style at the lunch table. The Max ranks as the second-coolest high school hangout in TV history (behind the Peach Pit, of course). The scene where Jessie overdoses on caffeine pills and collapses into Zack’s arms while singing “I’m So Excited” was a defining moment in my life. I even applied to the fictional Stansbury University in honor of Jessie – I didn’t get in. Am I the only person that suspects Zack was full of shit when he said he got a 1502 on his SATs? My ranking for Saved by the Bell includes Good Morning, Miss Bliss and the entertaining SBTB: The College Years, but not the intolerable New Class since they brought in different characters. Screech becomes the assistant principal, huh? Riiiight.

10 (tie). Full House (ABC, 1987-1995): I know it’s a cop-out to make a top 10 list with 11 shows, but how can a reasonable person choose between Saved by the Bell and Full House? That’s like asking parents which one of their kids they like best. Like Saved by the Bell, one cannot watch the reruns today and discount the impact Full House had on kids growing up in the late 80s and early 90s. Sure, three men living in San Francisco raising three daughters appears a little “gay” to older viewers, but TGIF was the coolest in 1990! I am not ashamed to admit that the phrase “How rude!” came out my mouth at least a thousand times before my 11^th birthday. I think this ranking could be higher if not for the mediocre first season or two (or as I like to call them “The Jesse Mullet Years”) and the almost-unwatchable last season or two (or as I like to call them “The Jesse Traded the Mullet for Mousse and Lived in the Attic with his Family Years”). The Mullet Years gave us the power lullaby ballad “Michelle Smiling” but little else. The Mousse Years gave us a woman in the house (finally!), but the Tanner kids had just grown too old in these last few seasons. The novelty kind of wore off when D.J. started going to frat parties and Stephanie befriended bad influence Gia. Jesse and the Rippers were not that cool when everyone in the band was over 40 (actually, they were never that cool). I was pleased to learn that Bob Saget was not a neat freak like Danny Tanner in real life and that he told inappropriate jokes to the kids on set.

9. Six Feet Under (HBO, 2001-2005): Generally, a show that is set in a funeral home is going to be depressing. Six Feet Under was no exception. It was not a particularly uplifting show, but, like most HBO series, it was well-written, well-acted, and entertaining. It did not have elaborate, exaggerated, or complicated storylines – it was just a flat-out good show. It gets bonus points for casting at least five actors from the classic 1998 teen comedy Can’t Hardly Wait. The show also boosted the career of Dwight from The Office.

8. The O.C. (FOX, 2003-2007): Oh, what could have been? The O.C. makes the list because of quality rather than quantity. It did not have the longevity of most of the shows on this list, but it did have first-rate drama – at least in the first two seasons. Season 1 of The O.C. was as good as any single season of television drama ever. I could devote an entire column to where the show went wrong (I already did), but for purposes of this list let’s focus on what the show did well. The show had four strong main characters, the original storyline (delinquent Ryan moves in with the Cohens) was compelling, the parents’ lives were connected to the overall plot of the series, the setting of the show was an appealing location, and almost every character was highly attractive. There was no shortage of drama or bagels in the Cohen residence. The show’s comic relief came via the trio of Seth’s witty one-liners, Sandy’s eyebrows and joking-but-yet-serious life advice, and Ryan’s dry sense of humor. The O.C. probably had the best music of any series on this list – coming from background music, the catchy theme song, and bands that played at the Bait Shop. Mischa Barton showed us acting at its finest – see below for her “angry at the world” performance (only need to watch the first 22 seconds).

7. The Cosby Show (NBC, 1984-1992): No one is better at interacting with kids than Bill Cosby. On the other hand, no one is more anxious for his kids to move out of the house than Cliff Huxtable. The Cosby Show was a sitcom – and it was funny – but it was also an educational and culturally relevant show. The series dealt with many normal family issues, often in a humorous manner, but there was usually a moral lesson to be learned from the experience. The show broke new ground in that it focused on an upper-class African-American family consisting of a father who was a doctor, a mother who was a lawyer, and five intelligent children – yet the show appealed to a wide variety of demographics. Wikipedia informed me that The Cosby Show is one of only two American shows (along with All in the Family) that have been #1 in the Nielson ratings for 5 consecutive seasons (1985-1990). It is safe to say that The Cosby Show was integral to the success of subsequent African-American sitcoms like Family Matters, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and A Different World (its spin-off). I considered accepting a track scholarship to Cliff Huxtable’s alma mater – Hillman University – but they didn’t offer (you may recall Cliff ran track there). It is worth noting that The Cosby Show had one of the best sitcom sidekicks in Theo’s friend Cockroach.

6. The Sopranos (HBO, 1999-2007): This show changed the way I view HBO original programming. Before 1999, HBO had The Larry Sanders Show, Arliss, and Not Necessarily the News – all decent shows – but the network was not known for drama. The Sopranos had film-quality acting, production, writing, and mob hits. We watched Tony eat hundreds of pounds of pasta, drops thousands of f-bombs, and whack dozens of wiseguys. On the surface, the series was about mobsters, but it explored many complex themes. It respected the intelligence of its audience and often forced viewers to draw their own conclusions about what happened – most notably in the series finale (which I liked). I genuinely hope A.J. is not as much of a douche in real life as his character was on the show.

5. The Wonder Years (ABC, 1988-1993): Writer Chuck Klosterman (in his book IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas) said it best, “The Wonder Years was the only TV program that allowed me to be nostalgic at the age of seventeen.” To take Klosterman’s observation a step further, I think The Wonder Years made me nostalgic at age 10. It made me reminisce about my first kiss before I had ever had one. It made me debate whether I “liked” or “like liked” certain girls in my class, even though in 4^th grade I’m pretty sure I did not outwardly like girls at all yet. The program effectively blended humor with drama, family issues with teenage issues, and social concerns with historical events. Ironically, I get nostalgic about season 1 of The Wonder Years whenever I see Fred Savage because he looks the same now as he did in 1988. ASIDE: I would guess that big brother Wayne called little brother Kevin “butthead” or “scrot” at least a baker’s dozen times per episode. Kudos to the writers for teaching me that “scrot” was short for scrotum!

4. Arrested Development (FOX, 2003-2006): This was the shortest-running show on the list so my ranking demonstrates my high opinion of those three seasons. The geniuses at FOX decided to cancel Arrested Development the same year they renewed The War at Home. Really? Seriously? They canceled a show that is tied (with The Wire) for the highest user-rating (9.7/10) of any TV show of all-time (yes, rated higher that The Sopranos and Seinfeld) on IMDB.com? They canceled the show that won the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series in its first season (and was nominated its next two seasons)? And this is the same network that canceled Family Guy (brought in back because of DVD sales), The O.C. (probably justified at that point), and The Bernie Mac Show (ok, this one was definitely justified)? But anyway, Arrested Development was just a rare and brilliant comedy. Unlike most sitcoms, it did not have a live audience – which made it even funnier because we did not have to be reminded when to laugh. Every single character was funny to me. I believe Jason Bateman was born to play Michael Bluth – some would argue he was born to play Todd Howard in Teen Wolf Too but that prized role really just gave him a full athletic scholarship to Hamilton University (no, I did not apply there) and some acting experience. Supposedly, there is an Arrested Development movie in the works – let’s just hope FOX has nothing to do with it.

3. Beverly Hills, 90210 (FOX, 1990-2000): Memo to The O.C. and Dawson’s Creek – 90210 called and it wants its ideas for making a great high school soap opera back. BH9er revolutionized the teen drama genre. The series tackled important issues such as teen pregnancy, drinking and driving, AIDS, and sideburns. The show boasted the list’s best hangout in the Peach Pit, best after-hours club in – you guessed it – the Peach Pit After Dark, and best frat name in the KEG house. BH9er laid the foundation for high school dramas to follow – you need a bad boy, a jock, a voice of reason, a rebellious girl, a rival rebellious girl, a bookworm, a dumb blond, and a younger nerd turned cool musician who tickles the ivories, deejays, and takes 10 classes his last semester to graduate a year early (although this last character is not necessarily a staple of the average high school soap opera). You also need to cast actors who are ages 21 (Brandon), 23 (Dylan), 26 (Steve), and 29 (Andrea) in real life to play high school sophomores. BH9er endured for 10 seasons because it kept most of its integral characters and found suitable replacements for others – Brandon stayed during Dylan’s departure, Dylan returned during Brandon’s departure, Kelly stayed the entire series, and Valerie was a significant upgrade from Brenda. Steve’s mullet, David’s music career, and Donna’s acting ability provided unintentional comedy to the series.

2. The Wire (HBO, 2003-2008): I am posting this list on the same day that the last episode of The Wire will air. It is a sad day indeed. If you have never seen the show, I have not included any spoilers so read on and then rent the series as soon as possible. The Wire is easily the most underrated and most unacknowledged series in the history of television. How has this show not won (or even been nominated) for any major awards? Most critics appreciate the show, but it has not attracted a mass audience or a plethora of awards recognition. Its only Emmy nomination was a 2005 nomination for Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series (single episode). The acting was absolutely outstanding, especially considering that few (if any) of the actors were well-known before the series and some of the actors were former criminals with no acting experience. Method Man was probably the most famous actor in the series, and he was famous for his affiliation with the Wu-Tang Clan rather than his acting (if you have seen How High you understand why). The show has not even been recognized by the masses for its diverse cast – there were dozens of black actors in the series and I cannot pinpoint one that was unconvincing. Everyone played his or her role to near perfection. The creators – one a former detective and the other a former editor for the Baltimore Sun – generated an authenticity that is rare in a crime drama (or any TV show for that matter). Sometimes The Hills seems more scripted than The Wire. One of the best aspects of The Wire was the different perspectives from which the storylines unfold. Most police dramas only follow the police’s perspective and most legal dramas only explore the lawyers’ point of view. The Wire, on the other hand, allowed viewers to follow the lives of law enforcement agents, attorneys, drug dealers, politicians, port workers, teachers, homeless people, and journalists. Like The Sopranos, and perhaps even more so, The Wire requires undivided attention from its viewers. I watch every episode twice to ensure that I understand the most subtle complexities of the show. Maybe some viewers stopped watching because it is a demanding show to follow. More likely, though, many people have just never seen it. Omar Little (pictured ABOVE LEFT) was one of the best characters in TV history – he was a trench-coat wearing, shotgun-toting free agent, unaffiliated with any drug clan, who robbed drug dealers of their money and their stash. He could be as cold-blooded as anyone on the show, but he stayed true to a strict moral code. Omar Little was Baltimore.

1. Seinfeld (NBC, 1990-1998): A show about nothing evolved into the best series of all-time through great characters, great chemistry, great writing, great acting, simple storylines, realistic situations, and superficial banter. Jerry was funny even when his acting skills were mediocre during the first few seasons, but his acting ability improved throughout the series and that took the show to another level. The other 3 main characters – George, Elaine, and Kramer – were outstanding from the first episode. The recurring supporting actors – Newman, Uncle Leo, David Puddy, Frank Costanza, Kenny Bania, J. Peterman, Steinbrenner, Jackie Chiles, and others – all stole several scenes over the years. Seinfeld was responsible for more pop culture phrases than any show I can think of – soup nazi, make-up sex, shrinkage, double dip, big salad, re-gifting, man hands, Festivus, close talker, serenity now, the Human Fund, bizarro world, etc. I compare everyday life situations to episodes of Seinfeld on a daily basis. George likes his chicken spicy. Chop likes his Seinfeld every day on TBS.

Honorable Mention: Salute Your Shorts, Dawson’s Creek, Boy Meets World, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Freaks and Geeks.

Wesley Snipes was Wrong

The pass is arguably better than the dunk, but J.J. Ross is my hero. This dude is a 6'2'' white high schooler from Oregon.