Chop Culture: March Madness Pools = Bad, Gus Johnson = Good

The first weekend of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament is my favorite weekend of the year. March Madness is by far my favorite sporting event. I have no trouble getting intensely excited about the tourney even though the team I follow (UVa) has only made the tournament 8 times since 1989 (the first tournament I remember – though my Hoos did make the Elite 8 that year). I have so many memories from the Big Dance, but the ones that really stand out are the upsets. And that brings me to my point: March Madness pools are ruining the tourney.

Don’t get me wrong – I enjoy competition. I dive for loose balls in pick-up basketball games. I had a 500 game ping pong series with my friend Jerry (I won 251-249 – I couldn’t make that up) in which we would sweat profusely during each game. Have you ever sweated while playing ping pong? I used to work as a poolboy/overglorified trashman in my neighborhood, and my co-workers and I created a 7-event competition called the Order of the Pineapple which included rock/paper/scissors, UNO, poleball (a game we invented), and home run derby – there was no higher honor in the world of Kingsmill Recreational Maintenance than the Order of the Pineapple. When I lose in Trivial Pursuit, those losses stay with me for hours if not days. I don’t play parlor games (darts, shuffleboard, air hockey) for fun – I play to win. When I show up at elementary schools during recess and dominate wall ball, it is because I love competition. I will yell at Jan the receptionist if she drops a fly ball during one of my co-ed work softball games.

I only bring your attention to my competitive side because I should love March Madness pools. It is right up my alley, but I like upsets more. Sure, I will fill out a bracket and enter at least two pools. I hope I win. But, if rooting for an upset will hurt me in my pool, then I hope I lose my pool. A March Madness upset is one of the most special occasions in all of sports. The problem with March Madness upsets is that the average person picks very few upsets in his or her bracket; thus, only true basketball fans root for upsets in the tourney. I would rather see a 16-seed upset a 1-seed and get last place in my pool than win my pool and see 4 1-seeds in the Final Four. Hypothetically speaking, there is no one I hate more than Joe Schmo at the bar who roots for Duke to beat Murray State because he “picked them to go to the Final Four.” Everyone has a right to cheer for whichever team he or she prefers, but the motivation behind the pick should not be the $80 you can win in your office pool. Even if the stakes are higher, fans need to put the brackets away and appreciate the jubilation of March Madness. David versus Goliath. A Cinderella story. Princeton upsets the defending champion UCLA Bruins courtesy of some timely backdoor layups. Bryce Drew buries a trey at the buzzer and Valpo advances. George Mason marches on to the Final Four after most basketball “experts” said they did not deserve an at-large bid. CBS announcer Gus Johnson screams inaudible sounds that approach the speed of sound in the closing seconds of a barnburner. Gus Johnson is the best March Madness announcer because he is the most excited person in the building no matter what game he is calling.

So, fill out your bracket and enter a tourney pool in the days before the games begin, but put away the brackets on Thursday and Friday. It’s Gus Johnson time! See below for a preview of what Gus brings to March Madness.

"The slipper still fits!!!"