Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

I love Christmas, but I can't completely embrace it for obvious reasons (see Nov. 11 blog if you are confused). I like candy and dressing up in costumes so Halloween is right up my alley, but it rarely falls on a weekend and it's not socially acceptable for me to trick-or-treat anymore. I wish I gave a shit about whether Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow or not...but I don't. So, Groundhog Day is out of contention.

Thanksgiving is about as good as it gets -- albeit it without presents or candy. Here's how my day usually unfolds:

10:00 AM: Wake up. Turn on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Sike, Sportscenter.

11:00 AM: Play football outside -- Pilgrims vs. Indians.

12:30 PM: Watch my Detroit Lions in their only nationally-televised game of the year.

12:31 PM: Snack heavily / drink lightly.

2:00 PM: Halftime. Express my frustration with my Lions. Drown my sorrows with another Whiskey Sour and more Chex Mix.

4:00 PM: Celebrate the Lions victory (just kidding, we lost again). Sit down for family dinner. Skip dessert for now.

5:30 PM: Casually watch the Cowboys game.

5:31 PM: Nap/pass out.

8:00 PM: Second wind. Did someone say pie?

The rest of the night: Drink heavily / snack lightly.

Seriously, what a day! I should note that I squeeze just enough "family time" in between each step of my day. I could see this day being less enjoyable if (a) you have kids, (b) you go to someone else's house for dinner (that would eliminate the "nap" portion of the day), (c) you don't get along with your extended family (luckily I don't have any annoying cousins / nieces / nephews), (d) you are not a Lions fan (99.9% of the population), (e) you have any responsibilities whatsoever, or (f) you don't appreciate gravy on the same level as me.

Lil Wayne: Rapper, Nirvana Fan, Blogger

I don’t listen to much post-2000 rap. So, until about a year ago, I just assumed Lil Wayne had fallen off the map ever since he backed up Juvenile on “Back that Azz Up” and B.G. on “Bling Bling” in the late 90s. Little did I know he would become one of the biggest rap superstars of the decade. Not only that – it turns out Lil Wayne is a pretty interesting dude. He says Nirvana was one of his main influences – I don’t see how but that’s cool that he likes them. He also was in the drama club in middle school. That’s very un-gangsta (although he did drop out of school at age 14). For as much as I prefer 90s rap to current rap, I like that the East coast / West coast beef has been squashed. Rappers actually hang out with each other – not just their crew – now.

Anyway, Lil Wayne now has a blog on ESPN.com. It is surprisingly well-written and insightful. Sure, ESPN probably has some editors revise it before it hits the website, but Lil Wayne makes interesting points, seems to know a lot about sports, and it looks like he reads most of the readers’ comments. It’s probably the second-coolest blog you'll read today -- check it out below. Thanks to Chief for the link.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3710157

Random Thoughts on Judaism

I go to church on Fridays. Actually, it’s not church and I don’t go that often, but I am one of the Chosen People. I believe strongly in my Jewish faith, but I rarely attend synagogue and do not observe several Jewish traditions – most notably, a kosher diet. I believe that the way you live your life and the way you treat people is more important than how often you go to services or whether or not your McGriddles have sausage in them (of course they do). This will probably be the only time I will blog about religion so here are some random thoughts on Judaism:

• People ask me if I mind when people say the word “Jew.” I really don’t mind, as long as it’s not preceded by the word “fuckin’.”
• Yes, Jews love bagels. Who doesn’t? You also probably think only black people like orange soda. Trust me, you are in the minority if you don’t like bagels and orange soda.
• Jews invented circumcision. Umm, you’re welcome.
• My favorite Jewish-owned restaurant is Juanita Greenberg’s in Charleston. A Mexican Jew making burritos and nachos? Actually, I have no idea if the owner is Jewish, but I also like his other restaurants – Saul Gonzalez’s and Alejandro Silverstein’s. You have to try the gelfite fish tacos - tell them Chop sent you.
• The phrase “JAP” (Jewish American Princess) might offend some Jews, but not this guy. Not only does the term not offend me, I think it’s hilarious.
• Your Jewish jokes are timeless. Let me guess, I have a big nose and I’m cheap? Zing!
• This girl I know (who knows I am Jewish) once said that a TJ Maxx gift card was “kind of a Jewish gift.” I’m not a math major, but I’m pretty sure that a $50 TJ Maxx gift card is worth as much as a $50 Nordstrom’s gift card. Plus if the person that gave the gift really wanted to be “Jewish,” she would have given you a Stein Mart gift card.
• What is the deal with Jews For Jesus? I don’t even have a joke for this one, but I’m pretty sure they are not Jews.
• Adam Sandler’s “Chanukah Song” was so funny that it almost makes up for the lack of hilarity in “Little Nicky,” “Click,” and “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.”
• My ideal Passover sedar would be Jerry Seinfeld, Slash (Saul Hudson), Jon Stewart (Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz), and Seth Cohen from The O.C. Andrea Zuckerman’s invitation might accidentally get lost in the mail.
• My favorite baseball player is Gary Majewski, a pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds. He is probably not Jewish, almost certainly Polish, and most definitely not an All-Star caliber pitcher. But what a name! I bet the guys clown him on road trips — “We all know Majewski’s not gonna pick up the tab tonight!” His teammates are assholes.

Phillip Fulmer Got a Raw Deal

Tennessee announced today that head football coach Phillip Fulmer was asked to step down at the end of the year. The higher-ups are letting him coach the last three games -- real classy. The man has been a student-athlete, graduate assistant, assistant coach, or head coach at UT for 35 years, the last 17 as head coach. The program has fallen a little bit, but not enough for this. Keep in mind, they won 10 games last season and made it to the SEC Championship game.

Let me make one thing abundantly clear: I do not care for Tennessee football. I think their fans are a bit obnoxious and I don't even like Fulmer all that much. But for everything Fulmer has done for that program, he deserved to leave on his own terms.

While I think the Big 12 is by far the best conference this year, the SEC has the most dominant conference in the nation year in and year out for the past 17 years. Over those 17 years, Fulmer's record at Tennessee has been 150-51. I'm not a mathematician, but that a winning percentage of almost 75%. That's unheard of in the SEC. 2 losing records (assuming they lose at least one more game this year) in 17 years. 8 10+ win seasons. 5 SEC Championship games. 1 National Championship.

A coach with a record like that deserves the opportunity to leave on his own terms. The athletic director also announced that this year's Tennessee-Kentucky game will be "Phil Fulmer Day." Really? Seriously? On the same day that you essentially fire one of the most successful coaches of the last two decades, you decide to honor him on his last game as head coach? It seems like a back-handed compliment to me. At least wait until next year's home opener to honor Fulmer -- give him several months to accept the decision and reflect on his accomplishments.

Fulmer got a raw deal. Straight up. But since I don't like Tennessee, I've already bored myself writing this much. I wish the next coach good luck -- you better win 10 games next season.