Monday, December 29, 2008

Would You Rather be 0-16 or 11-5?

I am a Detroit Lions fan. "We" did not win a game this season. Since starting the 2007 season 6-2, the Lions have lost 23 of their last 24 games. Futility of that nature is unprecedented in professional sports. I am biased, but I have watched a lot of pro football over the past two decades and the 2008 Lions are definitely NOT the worst team I've ever seen (no, I can't specifically name a worse team off the top of my head). The Lions lost 8 games by 10 points or less this season. Obviously, they will have the first pick of the 2009 NFL Draft, and they can use help at just about every position (except wide receiver -- don't take another receiver). I expect them to take either a quarterback (Matthew Stafford or Sam Bradford), an offensive lineman, or a defensive lineman. They finally fired Matt Millen as general manager so there is nowhere but up to go in that position. Today, they fired head coach Rod Marinelli -- I don't blame all of the team's struggles on Marinelli, but you have to get fired when your squad goes 0-16.

It is a difficult time to be a Lions fan, but - believe it or not - it might be a harder time to be a New England Patriots fan. Sure, they have 3 Super Bowl championships this decade, but they have had some bad luck in 2008. First, they lost to an inferior team in the Super Bowl and blew the rare opportunity to go 19-0. Even in a losing effort, you could argue that the 2007 Patriots were the best team ever. Then, Tom Brady injured his knee in the first game of the 2008 season and missed the entire season. His backup, Matt Cassell, looked great at times this season and finished the year strong for the Pats. However, due to some weird circumstances and unfavorable tiebreakers, the Pats went 11-5 and still missed the playoffs. You could argue they are the best team ever to not make the playoffs. The Pats are a veteran team, and their window for success is shrinking every year. The Pats will likely have to part ways with Cassell this offseason as well -- they will get Brady back, but Cassell has a chance to be a solid starting QB in the league. The new GM for the Lions should call Cassell's agent today. Dan Orlovsky should find a new job.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Is Stephen Curry Overrated?


In a word: no. Stephen Curry is the best player in the Southern Conference since Jerry West (when West Virginia was in the SoCon). Offensively, he is as good as anyone I've seen in college hoops this decade (J.J. Redick was a better shooter but Curry can create his own shot and is a better all-around offensive player). Is there anyone else you would want to take a big shot in crunch time? He is not a true point guard, but he can handle the rock, pass, and make his teammates better. He takes a lot of shots, but he is not a ball hog. Against Loyola (Maryland), he was double-teamed the entire game so he essentially stood in the corner and let his teammates play 4 on 3 -- Curry only took 3 shots that game and Davidson won by 30. The fact that Curry will likely play shooting guard in the NBA makes it even more impressive that he was willing to play point guard this year for Davidson, after last year's starting point guard Jason Richard graduated. I do not think Davidson can make a March Madness run like they did last season (Elite 8). Not only did they have a few bounces go their way during the tourney last season, the team was better last year. They will miss Jason Richard running the point, controlling the game, and distributing the ball to Curry running off screens. Curry is great, but Davidson is asking him to do too much this season. Although I believe Davidson was a better TEAM last season, Curry is a better player this year than he was last season. Apparently he went to skills camps run by Steve Nash, Chris Paul, and LeBron James last summer. He should be a lock for 1st Team All-American. Even still, I am little surprised he is getting so much hype.

As a Virginia fan, I love that Virginia Tech did not offer Stephen a scholarship. Let me get this straight Hokie Nation -- one of the best basketball players in Virginia Tech history, Dell Curry, marries a former Virginia Tech women's volleyball standout and you don't offer their son a basketball scholarship? I know Curry was even smaller in high school, but he was all-state. He didn't come completely out of nowhere. Virginia Tech coach Seth Greenberg offered Curry a chance to walk on the team, but he could not spare a scholarship. Good call, Seth. Ralph Sampson's son could be the biggest stiff in high school basketball history, and I'm pretty sure UVa would give him a scholarship.

As much as I have raved about Steph Curry, I am not sold on his ability to play at the next level. In my opinion, he is not a prototypical point guard. If he plays shooting guard in the NBA, he will be matching up with much bigger and taller players. Curry is 6'3'' but he will have trouble defending the likes of Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade, Brandon Roy, and other shooting guards. Offensively, Curry's quick release and ability to create his own shot make up for his slight build and average height (for a baller). He may be able to play the role of a scoring point guard - similar to rookie Mario Chalmers in Miami - in which he could guard the opposing team's point guard, bring the ball up the floor, and then run off screens for his own shots. Regardless of what position he plays, I do not think he is a top 10 pick.

Since I much prefer college basketball to the NBA, I am not as concerned as most people about Curry's future in the NBA. I hope he comes back to Davidson next year for his senior year. It is nice to watch somebody that knows how to play the game. I heard somewhere that if he comes back for his senior year and maintains the same scoring average for the rest of his career, he will end up as second all-time leading scorer in NCAA basketball history (behind "Pistol" Pete Maravich). While others debate whether Curry is a lottery pick in the NBA, I will enjoy watching him play college ball.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Making Fun of Comedians

GUEST BLOG BY BDF:

I always think it is funny when comedians make fun of people in general. White people who walk really fast, the fat guy at the buffet, the Asian who speaks in broken English, the list goes on and
on. The other day I was listening to Chris Rock rant on and on about white teenagers, and I thought what if I was a standup comic who only made fun of other comedians? Here goes!

Dane Cook – Dane, how does it feel to have a fan base of 14-17 year olds? Watching your standup inspired me to write this blog. At least one good thing came out of it. God knows it didn't make me laugh. You're the N'Sync of comedy; you may sell lots of albums and tickets, but the material is miserable and no one else in your field respects your work. Why don't you take your SuperFinger and stick it in your....mouth. This way, you'll be unable to talk.

Carlos Mencia – Carlos Mencia, that funny Mexican guy. Or should I say Ned Mencia, from Honduras? I'd make fun of you in more detail, but I fear you'd just steal my material Menstelia.

Larry the Cable Guy – Dan Whitney from Nebraska created a character for a radio show and fooled a million morons from Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana into thinking he was funny. I'm from the South and would personally like to punch Dan for setting back Southerners 40 years. This guy is a fat piece of shit right here, I don't care who ya are.

David Cross – David, your performance as Tobias Funke is one of my all time favorites. I once read that you'd rather hear the death rattle of your own child than the songs of the bands Creed, Staind, and POD. While I agree that those bands are terrible, you date the girl from Joan of Arcadia and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Guess you like music way more than television and movies.

Carrot Top – When I first saw Carrot Top in the mid nineties, I thought "could this guy be more of a douche"? Turns out he could. Between then and now CT has become a bulked up 'roid freak and a devout plastic surgery patient. Carrot's gone from a skinny dork with prop jokes to a phony meathead with the same prop jokes.

Bill Engvall – You're Jeff Foxworthy minus the "You might be a Redneck" jokes. Translation, your comedy blows. One the bright side, you look a little like Mark Harmon. Fingers crosses that NCIS does a episode in which Gibbs' brother makes an appearance.

Janeane Garofalo – You've made a lot of money ranting about how ugly women can't make it in show biz. I can't tell if you're being intentionally ironic or you hate yourself because you don't look like Jessica Alba. I am guessing it's not the latter, as I've never seen anyone intentionally try so hard to look so awful. You also referred to your time on SNL as being like "the Indian given the blanket infected with smallpox by the cavalry." You worked at SNL, not Kmart, get over yourself.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Ramblings

  • I am watching the ACC Championship Game (Boston College vs. Virginia Tech) right now. It is a major snoozefest. I am just watching this game while I wait for the SEC Championship Game (Alabama vs. Florida) to start. Although the two best teams in the SEC are national championship contenders and no ACC team is top 10 material, I believe the ACC has been the better conference this year.

I was harsh on the ACC early in the year, but the conference ended up solid (if unspectacular) from top to bottom. The SEC, on the other hand, is very top heavy. The ACC had 10 teams either tied or within one game of the division lead. 10 teams! I hate the word “parity” when talking about football – but the ACC had parity this year. The ACC has 10 bowl-eligible teams, compared to 8 in the SEC. The two teams that are not bowl-eligible in the ACC - UVa and Duke - were not easy outs for anyone either. UVa beat four bowl-eligible teams in October alone (and then choked away the season in typical Al Groh fashion). Duke beat Navy and Vanderbilt. The ACC won 6 out of 10 head-to-head meetings with the SEC, and Alabama or Florida had 3 of the 4 SEC wins.

  • The hope it’s just a nasty rumor that The Roots are going to stop touring and become the house band for Jimmy Fallon when he takes over for Conan O’Brien next year. Letterman has Paul Shaffer. Conan has Max Weinberg. Leno has some guy named Kevin Eubanks. Jimmy Fallon is arguably the biggest douche of this group (Leno could make an argument for this title), yet Fallon gets the coolest house band? This seems like a curious career decision on the part of The Roots. The move will hurt their street cred.

  • BDF brought up an interesting point recently. “60 Minutes” begins at 7 P.M. EST on Sunday nights. During the NFL season, it never begins on time and Jim Nantz always has to tell us “if you’re tuning in to see “60 Minutes,” it will air in it’s entirety following this NFL football action. Except on the West Coast.” Why not just push “60 Minutes” back to 7:30 during the NFL season? The 4 P.M. games never end before 7:15. Would it do any harm to show 15 minutes of highlights if the game does end early? Also, your grandparents could tune into CBS at 7:30 and not have to watch the last 20 minutes of the Chargers-Broncos game.

  • Don’t drop the soap, O.J.

  • In a world of miserable commercials, SONIC commercials never disappoint me. The two guys in the car are funny, and the married couple is even funnier. The bald guy is probably out-kicking his coverage, but he is hilarious. The sausage biscuit dippers are on my “to-do” list. On the other hand, GEICO commercials don’t do much for me. Enough with the cavemen and the gecko.

  • I have been meaning to write about how unrealistic this season of “Entourage” was, but Sports Guy on ESPN.com beat me to it. Here is what he had to say about it (SPOILER ALERT):

“Well, the fifth season of "Entourage" wasn't implausible at all: I can totally see Vince's losing his career after one bad movie (so what if Colin Farrell has made 15 stinkers and keeps getting jobs?), becoming Hollywood poison, getting a job only because his agent passed up a $10-million-a-year studio head position to stay with him -- you know, because agents have such great character -- submarining an elaborate $120 million action movie that somehow came together in about 2.23 seconds because the director hated him (in the irony of ironies, because he didn't think Vince, a guy played by Adrian Grenier, could act), hitting rock bottom and moving back to Queens, then climactically rebounding with the lead in Martin Scorsese's new movie without ever auditioning for it, and while all of this was happening Jamie-Lynn Sigler fell in love with a jobless Turtle, and Johnny Drama starred on an NBC drama that normally would tape for 17 hours a day, unless your show stars Johnny Drama, in which case you tape once a month for a couple of minutes. Awesome. I'd ask for that 390 minutes of my life back, but it's my own fault for watching. I blame myself.”

I completely agree with Sports Guy, although I thought the season was mildly entertaining despite much of the bullshit that transpired. I mean, the actor that plays Turtle is allegedly dating Jamie-Lynn Sigler (Meadow Soprano) in real life, so maybe that plot line is not that far-fetched. Jeremy Piven (Ari) is a tremendous actor – it’s a shame he is surrounded by such mediocre acting and writing.

  • Weird Al is an ageless wonder. He has done parodies of songs by Michael Jackson, Madonna, Coolio, the Chili Peppers, and many more. His latest parody of T.I. is not his best effort, but it's worth listening to.


Monday, November 24, 2008

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

I love Christmas, but I can't completely embrace it for obvious reasons (see Nov. 11 blog if you are confused). I like candy and dressing up in costumes so Halloween is right up my alley, but it rarely falls on a weekend and it's not socially acceptable for me to trick-or-treat anymore. I wish I gave a shit about whether Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow or not...but I don't. So, Groundhog Day is out of contention.

Thanksgiving is about as good as it gets -- albeit it without presents or candy. Here's how my day usually unfolds:

10:00 AM: Wake up. Turn on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Sike, Sportscenter.

11:00 AM: Play football outside -- Pilgrims vs. Indians.

12:30 PM: Watch my Detroit Lions in their only nationally-televised game of the year.

12:31 PM: Snack heavily / drink lightly.

2:00 PM: Halftime. Express my frustration with my Lions. Drown my sorrows with another Whiskey Sour and more Chex Mix.

4:00 PM: Celebrate the Lions victory (just kidding, we lost again). Sit down for family dinner. Skip dessert for now.

5:30 PM: Casually watch the Cowboys game.

5:31 PM: Nap/pass out.

8:00 PM: Second wind. Did someone say pie?

The rest of the night: Drink heavily / snack lightly.

Seriously, what a day! I should note that I squeeze just enough "family time" in between each step of my day. I could see this day being less enjoyable if (a) you have kids, (b) you go to someone else's house for dinner (that would eliminate the "nap" portion of the day), (c) you don't get along with your extended family (luckily I don't have any annoying cousins / nieces / nephews), (d) you are not a Lions fan (99.9% of the population), (e) you have any responsibilities whatsoever, or (f) you don't appreciate gravy on the same level as me.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Lil Wayne: Rapper, Nirvana Fan, Blogger



I don’t listen to much post-2000 rap. So, until about a year ago, I just assumed Lil Wayne had fallen off the map ever since he backed up Juvenile on “Back that Azz Up” and B.G. on “Bling Bling” in the late 90s. Little did I know he would become one of the biggest rap superstars of the decade. Not only that – it turns out Lil Wayne is a pretty interesting dude. He says Nirvana was one of his main influences – I don’t see how but that’s cool that he likes them. He also was in the drama club in middle school. That’s very un-gangsta (although he did drop out of school at age 14). For as much as I prefer 90s rap to current rap, I like that the East coast / West coast beef has been squashed. Rappers actually hang out with each other – not just their crew – now.

Anyway, Lil Wayne now has a blog on ESPN.com. It is surprisingly well-written and insightful. Sure, ESPN probably has some editors revise it before it hits the website, but Lil Wayne makes interesting points, seems to know a lot about sports, and it looks like he reads most of the readers’ comments. It’s probably the second-coolest blog you'll read today -- check it out below. Thanks to Chief for the link.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3710157

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Random Thoughts on Judaism

I go to church on Fridays. Actually, it’s not church and I don’t go that often, but I am one of the Chosen People. I believe strongly in my Jewish faith, but I rarely attend synagogue and do not observe several Jewish traditions – most notably, a kosher diet. I believe that the way you live your life and the way you treat people is more important than how often you go to services or whether or not your McGriddles have sausage in them (of course they do). This will probably be the only time I will blog about religion so here are some random thoughts on Judaism:

  • People ask me if I mind when people say the word “Jew.” I really don’t mind, as long as it’s not preceded by the word “fuckin’.”
  • Yes, Jews love bagels. Who doesn’t? You also probably think only black people like orange soda. Trust me, you are in the minority if you don’t like bagels and orange soda.
  • Jews invented circumcision. Umm, you’re welcome.
  • My favorite Jewish-owned restaurant is Juanita Greenberg’s in Charleston. A Mexican Jew making burritos and nachos? Actually, I have no idea if the owner is Jewish, but I also like his other restaurants – Saul Gonzalez’s and Alejandro Silverstein’s. You have to try the gelfite fish tacos - tell them Chop sent you.
  • The phrase “JAP” (Jewish American Princess) might offend some Jews, but not this guy. Not only does the term not offend me, I think it’s hilarious.
  • Your Jewish jokes are timeless. Let me guess, I have a big nose and I’m cheap? Zing!
  • This girl I know (who knows I am Jewish) once said that a TJ Maxx gift card was “kind of a Jewish gift.” I’m not a math major, but I’m pretty sure that a $50 TJ Maxx gift card is worth as much as a $50 Nordstrom’s gift card. Plus if the person that gave the gift really wanted to be “Jewish,” she would have given you a Stein Mart gift card.
  • What is the deal with Jews For Jesus? I don’t even have a joke for this one, but I’m pretty sure they are not Jews.
  • Adam Sandler’s “Chanukah Song” was so funny that it almost makes up for the lack of hilarity in “Little Nicky,” “Click,” and “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.”
  • My ideal Passover sedar would be Jerry Seinfeld, Slash (Saul Hudson), Jon Stewart (Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz), and Seth Cohen from The O.C. Andrea Zuckerman’s invitation might accidentally get lost in the mail.
  • My favorite baseball player is Gary Majewski, a pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds. He is probably not Jewish, almost certainly Polish, and most definitely not an All-Star caliber pitcher. But what a name! I bet the guys clown him on road trips — “We all know Majewski’s not gonna pick up the tab tonight!” His teammates are assholes.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Phillip Fulmer Got a Raw Deal

Tennessee announced today that head football coach Phillip Fulmer was asked to step down at the end of the year. The higher-ups are letting him coach the last three games -- real classy. The man has been a student-athlete, graduate assistant, assistant coach, or head coach at UT for 35 years, the last 17 as head coach. The program has fallen a little bit, but not enough for this. Keep in mind, they won 10 games last season and made it to the SEC Championship game.

Let me make one thing abundantly clear: I do not care for Tennessee football. I think their fans are a bit obnoxious and I don't even like Fulmer all that much. But for everything Fulmer has done for that program, he deserved to leave on his own terms.

While I think the Big 12 is by far the best conference this year, the SEC has the most dominant conference in the nation year in and year out for the past 17 years. Over those 17 years, Fulmer's record at Tennessee has been 150-51. I'm not a mathematician, but that a winning percentage of almost 75%. That's unheard of in the SEC. 2 losing records (assuming they lose at least one more game this year) in 17 years. 8 10+ win seasons. 5 SEC Championship games. 1 National Championship.

A coach with a record like that deserves the opportunity to leave on his own terms. The athletic director also announced that this year's Tennessee-Kentucky game will be "Phil Fulmer Day." Really? Seriously? On the same day that you essentially fire one of the most successful coaches of the last two decades, you decide to honor him on his last game as head coach? It seems like a back-handed compliment to me. At least wait until next year's home opener to honor Fulmer -- give him several months to accept the decision and reflect on his accomplishments.

Fulmer got a raw deal. Straight up. But since I don't like Tennessee, I've already bored myself writing this much. I wish the next coach good luck -- you better win 10 games next season.